her about God and devotional life and about the way of discharging one's duties and responsibilities in the world. To the Hindu wife, who is taught to look upon her husband as a veritable God, as her sole refuge here and hereafter, there is nothing more gratifying than the consciousness of having secured his respect and attention. To the Holy Mother, therefore, this occasion of her first real contact with her husband was an unforgettable experience. Recalling the inner feelings she experienced in those days, she used to tell her women disciples, 'I then felt as if a pitcher of bliss was kept in my heart. It was a constant experience with me then. It is very difficult to convey an idea of this experience to others.'
1
Several years had now passed since that brief spell of bliss. The contact with her divine husband had enriched her consciousness with a sense of peace and introspectiveness, with a spirit of unselfish service and a feeling of unruffled satisfaction in all conditions of life. But the young wife in her could not help feeling an urge to be by his side and be of service to him. At the same time the voice of another sentiment seemed to whisper to her, as if to silence this impatience. It seemed to say: 'He who was so very kind to you at the very first meeting will never forget you. In good time, he will, of his own accord, call you to his side. Wait in patience, for that blessed occasion.'
Thus silencing her impatience and giving no expression of any kind to her innermost longings, she kept herself busily engaged day and night in the various duties of her father's household. And she would have waited indefinitely in patience and submissiveness, had
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1 Narrating the lighter incidents of her life during her stay at Kamarpukur on this occasion, the Holy Mother would say; 'When I was still quite young, the Master once came to Kamarpukur with stomach trouble. During the early hours of the morning he would wake up from sleep and tell us about the dishes I should prepare for his midday meal. I would follow his directions. One day I found that I had not a particular spice with which he wanted the vegetables flavoured. My sister-in-law (Sri Ramakrishna's elder brother's wife) asked me to cook without that spice. The Master heard those words and said, "How is it? If you have not the spice, get it from the market. It is not proper to cook the curry without the spices necessary for it. I sacrificed the rich dishes of Dakshineswar temple and came here for the flavour of that spice, and you want to deprive me of that! That won't do." My sister-in-law felt ashamed and sent for the spice.'
'The Brahmani (ie Yogesvari, the Sannyasini who instructed Sri Ramakrishna in Tantric practices) was then with us. The Master addressed her as mother, and I therefore looked upon her as my mother-in-law. I was rather afraid of her. She was very fond of red-pepper. She used to cook her own dishes = all hot stuff. Often she offered me these preparations. I would silently eat them and wipe out the tears from my eyes. When she asked me how I liked them, I said in fear, "Very nice!" My sister-in-law, however, would remark, "Oh! they are very hot." I noticed that the Brahmani was displeased at such remarks. She would say, "Why do you say so? My 'daughter' approves of these dishes. Nothing can please you. I will not give you my curries any more. " '
And the Holy Mother would laugh as she narrated these incidents.
It was during this period that the Brahmani picked up a quarrel with
Hriday and left the Master's company.